Aggressor, abuser, manipulator, narcissist, energy vampire… What else to call people who do not allow others to live in peace. They easily lead to a nervous breakdown, provoke conflict, and often in veiled ways.
College life is quite challenging itself. You always get tons of assignments to complete: essays, paper writing, doing research, and other homework projects. And now, you also get an abuser in your group that always seeks ways to insult someone.
Do you know that there are always ways to make your life easier? Luckily, you can always hire an edit my paper service to get your writing assignments within the deadline, download special apps for students to manage your time better, get a course on financial literacy to spend your money more rationally, and learn how to deal with the destructive people in your community to live in peace and harmony.
Read how to recognize a manipulator in the team and tame it.
Signs of a destructive person
It is not always easy to determine who is next to you. In normal life, a person can be attentive and careful, but in conflicts, something unimaginable happens to them. Or rather, with his interlocutor: emotions are raging in him, and why – it is not clear. If in a difficult situation you feel that something is wrong, most likely you are dealing with a destructive person.
Here are some signs that there is a “monster” near you:
- Compulsiveness. And the kind that defies all persuasions and requests to leave you alone. Say that you are busy, and the person continues to tell you about his experiences, ask questions, and ask to do something urgently.
- Denial of the obvious, gazlating. The person, for unknown reasons, denies what actually happened. Such a technique is aimed at undermining your sense of reality, to making you doubt your own sanity. In the worst case, to drive you to insanity.
- Refusal to acknowledge their faults. Aggressors never apologize, and if they do, it is only for manipulative purposes. Instead of admitting wrongdoing, they prefer to make counter-claims.
- Lack of logic in behavior. Statements are at odds with actions. The person can call you their best friend, but if you need help, they disappear from the radar. Destructive people are incapable of empathy and empathy, typical for a healthy person. They are not interested in other people’s feelings, and all of their words and actions are aimed only at serving themselves.
- Lack of clarity. When communicating with a person there is a feeling that you have said or done something wrong. To evoke such feelings, the manipulator may even declare a boycott.
These are not all the things that allow you to identify a destructive personality. But these signs have one thing in common: a feeling of discomfort when communicating with the abuser.
You should not be too suspicious and look for a manipulator in the first person you meet who has expressed his/her discontent, hassled you with a conversation, or has sassed you. Give the person time. Perhaps this person was just in a bad mood and could not cope with his emotions. But if an isolated situation turns into a tendency, you know you’re dealing with an abuser.
How to expose an abuser and confront them in the classroom
Even a very strong-minded person can become a victim of manipulation. As a rule, an abuser is a weak person with a lot of complexes who is jealous of successful people. Therefore, they have a desire to ruin the life of the person they are talking to.
Healthy people don’t try to win the attention of others with their behavior. They are primarily interested in themselves, which is not the case with narcissists.
Look closely to see if there is someone in your group who makes fun of, embarrasses, is boorish, and devalues others. For example, you passed the session with excellent marks, and the person said in between that such gray mice only remain to study, but… “No offense! The truth is not hurt!”. You are praised by the teacher, and behind you hear a meaningful “Well, well”, accompanied by a nasty chuckle.
In response, you feel a range of feelings, but cunningly built by a manipulator communication does not give time to correctly defend. Seems like you were not told anything of the kind, but emotions are running high.
To avoid falling into a trap, you need to know how to communicate with destructors. Here are some techniques to use when communicating with aggressors, if they cannot be removed from contact in any way.
No matter what you’re told, you don’t respond in any way. You need to start with outward calm, even if the storm is raging in your soul. Most likely, after such outrageous ignoring, the manipulator will realize that his traps won’t work with you.
The goal of the manipulator is to get your emotions and experiences. By undermining the interlocutor’s self-confidence, the abuser expects that the person will stop standing out from the crowd with their success.
If you hear ambiguous remarks about yourself, immediately remember that this is a sick person. Do not take their words personally, and certainly not react to them.
Ask them to repeat what they have just said
This is a great way to check if it seems that you have just been insulted and tried to humiliate.
Look the aggressor in the eye, give them your full attention, and ask them to explain what they meant. At the same time, see how funny it is when they start to get out of it. Most likely they will be frightened and quickly run away.
Ask them why they said or did it
The professional researchers from the best writing services state that by focusing on the actions of the offender, rather than your feelings, you kill two birds with one stone. First, you show that you did not make the statement personally, which immediately discourages the aggressor. Secondly, you embarrass them in front of other people.
Thank the person for the compliment
Tell the person thank you for noting certain qualities of your character or features of your appearance. Say that you appreciate yourself for those traits.
For example, someone hinted at your slightly protruding ears. Say that you have always wanted to be like Audrey Tautou, and are glad that someone noticed the resemblance.
Or you can do something even cooler. Notice how the aggressor is attentive to you, how they notice the smallest details of your appearance and closet. Specify whether they have a crush on you? If this scene is played out in front of the whole group, you will get immunity against the aggressor for a long time.
What you definitely should not do is be rude and get into a quarrel. Manipulators honed their tricks for a long time and know that the standard reaction of any person to such attacks – is negative. Abuser expects you in front of the whole group to make you look crazy. Don’t give them a chance to feel like a winner.
Never let anyone manipulate your feelings. Show people that you have a strong personality and they will respect you and never try to offend you.